New funny thing quotes

• Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

• What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

• No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

• Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

• Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

• This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

• The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

• My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

• The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

• Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Top funny thing quotes

• The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

• Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

• I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

• Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

• Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

• Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

• Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

• The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

• Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

• Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Popular funny thing quotes

• The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

• My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

• The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

• So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

• TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

• My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

• Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

• It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

• Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

• The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

More funny thing quotes

• Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

• (Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

• If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

• The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

• “Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

• Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

• The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

• A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

• When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

• Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Witty thing quotes

• A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

• I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

• You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

• Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

• The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

• What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

• The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

• My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

• The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

• The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Funny thing quotes remind us that sometimes we don’t even know what “the thing” is, but we still talk about it anyway 😂. From trying to explain something 🗣️ to making vague plans 📅, “thing” becomes the perfect stand-in when our brains just give up 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said “you know, that thing” while hoping someone else fills in the blanks 🤪. So embrace the vagueness, laugh at the confusion, and enjoy how funny life’s little things can be 😆!