New funny things quotes

• I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

• Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

• We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

• Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

• I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

• If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

• Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

• Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

• It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

• Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Top funny things quotes

• Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

• I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

• No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

• I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

• Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

• Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

• The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

• I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

• Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

• My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Popular funny things quotes

• I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

• My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

• I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

• Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

• Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

• If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

• I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

• I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

• Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

• One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

More funny things quotes

• The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

• Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

• Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

• Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

• Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

• Even wild things have slow mornings.

• Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

• It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

• Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

• Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Witty things quotes

• “Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

• Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

• “You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

• Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

• Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

• I’m tired of things costing money.

• I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

• I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

• The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

• If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Funny things quotes remind us that it’s often the little, random moments that bring the biggest laughs 😂. From things that don’t make any sense 🤷‍♂️ to things we swear we’ll never do (but always do anyway) 🤪, these quotes celebrate the humor in everyday life. Perfect for anyone who loves finding joy in the absurd, unexpected, and downright ridiculous things that happen all the time 🤣. So keep noticing, keep laughing, and enjoy the funny little things that make life so entertaining 😆!