Funny time jokes prove that clocks may tick, but laughter never runs out 😅. Whether it’s running late, wasting hours on nothing, or wondering how it’s already Monday again, time has a sneaky sense of humor ⏰. These jokes capture the chaos of schedules, procrastination, and the eternal struggle to “just five more minutes.” So sit back, forget the clock, and enjoy a few timeless laughs 😂.
New funny time jokes
- I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.
- That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.
- I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
- The year flies by when you’re scrolling.
- If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.
- It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.
- I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.
- Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.
- I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.
- The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.
Top funny time jokes
- You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.
- Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?
- Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.
- We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).
- Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!
- This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.
- Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.
- I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.
- If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.
- I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.
Popular funny time jokes
- It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.
- What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”
- I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.
- “Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.
- The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.
- All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.
- Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.
- When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.
- My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.
- Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.
More funny time jokes
- I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.
- It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?
- My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.
- Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’
- Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.
- Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
- My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.
- I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.
- If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.
- The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.
Witty time jokes
- I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.
- Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.
- There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.
- I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.
- The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.
- Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.
- I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.
- The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.
- It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.
- Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.
Funny time jokes remind us that life moves fast — but laughter slows it down 😆. Between deadlines, alarms, and endless to-do lists, it’s easy to forget to enjoy the moment. So take a break, share a laugh, and remember: time flies when you’re having fun… or pretending to be productive 🤣.