New funny wit quotes

• If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

• If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

• If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

• Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

• I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

• Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

• Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

• If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

• I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

• “Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Top funny wit quotes

• I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

• While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

• I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

• What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

• Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

• No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

• Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

• “I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

• Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

• Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Popular funny wit quotes

• I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

• I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

• Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

• They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

• I love hard, but I stupid harder.

• I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

• Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

• Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

• Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

• I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

More funny wit quotes

• Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

• Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

• Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

• If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

• “I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

• Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

• If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

• “It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

• Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

• I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Witty wit quotes

• If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

• Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

• If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

• Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

• Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

• Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

• Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

• My plan is to die young as late as possible.

• You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

• Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Funny wit quotes remind us that sharp humor is a true superpower 💪. From biting sarcasm 😏 to clever wordplay 🧩, witty remarks add an extra layer of fun to any conversation 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who appreciates fast thinking and loves a well-delivered punchline 🎯. So sharpen your sense of humor, enjoy the clever jabs, and keep laughing at the brilliant art of wit 🤪!