New funny work quotes

• The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

• I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

• Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

• I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

• I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

• I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

• “Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

• Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

• Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

• Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Top funny work quotes

• My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

• “AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

• “I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

• Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

• My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

• Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

• Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

• A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

• Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

• Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Popular funny work quotes

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

• My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

• I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

• When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

• Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

• I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

• Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

• Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

• I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

• Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

More funny work quotes

• The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

• Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

• Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

• My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

• I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

• I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

• I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

• Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

• Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

• Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Witty work quotes

• As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

• Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

• Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

• My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

• We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

• Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

• Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

• Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

• “You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

• My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

Funny work quotes remind us that a sense of humor is essential for surviving the office jungle 🐅. From bizarre coworker conversations 🗣️ to epic procrastination sessions 📱, work life rarely goes as planned — and that’s where the fun begins 😂. These quotes are perfect for sharing with colleagues who understand the daily chaos 🌪️. So keep smiling through the deadlines, laugh at the madness, and remember: work may be serious, but you don’t have to be 😄!