New funny work quotes

• Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

• Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

• Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

• I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

• Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

• Eating healthy requires a second job.

• Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

• I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

• Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Top funny work quotes

• The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

• Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

• Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

• How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

• It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

• Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

• I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

• A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

• It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

• Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Popular funny work quotes

• Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

• No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

• It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

• Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

• Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

• I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

• The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

• Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

• Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

• That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

More funny work quotes

• Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

• Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

• I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

• May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

• One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

• I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

• By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

• Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

• My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

• Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Witty work quotes

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

• When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

• They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

• Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

• To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

• We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

• It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

• “Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

• I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

• Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Funny work quotes remind us that a sense of humor is essential for surviving the office jungle 🐅. From bizarre coworker conversations 🗣️ to epic procrastination sessions 📱, work life rarely goes as planned — and that’s where the fun begins 😂. These quotes are perfect for sharing with colleagues who understand the daily chaos 🌪️. So keep smiling through the deadlines, laugh at the madness, and remember: work may be serious, but you don’t have to be 😄!