50+ Funny Work Quotes That Perfectly Capture The 9-To-5 Struggle

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.

Crazy to think the average Zoomer male just works, watches porn, and plays video games. That’s it. That’s their whole life.

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

Someone at work is gonna suggest you download Outlook and Teams on your phone, and it’s very important that you don’t listen to them.

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.