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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2331 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,493

Funny Quotes Topics

15,196

Funny Quotes Images

12,493

32 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Seen just now on Instagram:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Just landed via YouTube:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Trending via Instagram:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Just landed via TikTok:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Making waves on YouTube:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Jan 22, 2025

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like you're looking for a health shortcut without all the hard work, eh? 🤔 Sorry to break it to you, but the old "take a magic pill and call me in the morning" routine isn't quite cutting it anymore! 🚫💊 How about we start with some baby steps? Maybe swap out that soda for some water, and perhaps take a walk around the block instead of Netflix-binging all weekend long? 🥤🚶

advice, change, changing, Doc, doctor, give, health, humor, i, lifestyle, me, straight, straight talk, talk, wellness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2331 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,493

Funny Quotes Topics

15,196

Funny Quotes Images

12,493

32 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Breaking via Facebook:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Live now on YouTube:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Just shared via Discord:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Trending via WeChat:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Just shared via Slack:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

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