Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

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Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

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Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

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Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

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Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

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So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

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As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

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I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

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Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

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Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

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Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.