Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.
  • The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.
  • My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.
  • Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”
  • Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.
  • Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.