Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.
  • I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
  • Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.
  • Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.
  • Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.
  • I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.