New funny days quotes

• I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

• Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

• There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

• Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

• I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

• The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

• Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

• Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

• The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

• Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Top funny days quotes

• Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

• Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, ‘They’re eating right now.’

• I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

• This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

• Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

• If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

• So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

• I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

• Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

• Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Popular funny days quotes

• I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

• Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

• I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

• Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

• Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

• Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

• Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

• Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

• Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

• Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

More funny days quotes

• I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

• People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

• Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

• Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

• You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

• Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

• Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

• People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

• Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

• Please twerk; I have just days left.

Witty days quotes

• I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

• I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

• Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

• The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

• Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

• The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

• Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

• Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

• Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

• Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Funny days quotes remind us that while every day starts fresh 🌞, it usually turns into its own little comedy show 🤣. Whether it’s a day full of mini-disasters 🚧, awkward encounters 🗣️, or random wins 🏆, no two days are ever quite the same. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said “what a day!” — and meant it in the most ridiculous way possible 🙃. So embrace the ups and downs, laugh at the madness, and enjoy the comedy of your days 🤪!