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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has copied:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

I canโ€™t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

Donโ€™t understand why electricians arenโ€™t called power rangers, but okay.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

What you call โ€œBrunchโ€ I call โ€œBreakfast for Alcoholics.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

Whyโ€™d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

770 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,932

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13,903

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10,932

Updated

15 minutes ago

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3,442

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Slack:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Just shared via YouTube:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Going viral on Facebook:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Making waves on Twitch:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Making waves on Facebook:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Going viral on X:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Reported on Threads:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.
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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

770 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,932

Funny Quotes Topics

13,903

Funny Quotes Images

10,932

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

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Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Itโ€™s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

Stretching my back isnโ€™t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ป has shared:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฏ has copied:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Reported on Facebook:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldnโ€™t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Just landed via Twitch:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Just landed via Threads:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Breaking via Messenger:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Just landed via Slack:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Going viral on Threads:

I keep forgetting iโ€™m at the age where people will tell me theyโ€™re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Trending via Slack:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Spotted on TikTok:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Just landed via Reddit:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

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