The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

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Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

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Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

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It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

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I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

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I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

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The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

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Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

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After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

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Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.