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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Family guy is so insane, because why were people dating that dog?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

30 minutes ago

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Shared recently on Instagram:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Spotted on Discord:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Spotted on X:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Breaking via YouTube:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Just landed via Threads:

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Reported on YouTube:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Just landed via X:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Trending via Slack:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Reported on Reddit:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

4 months ago

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal search for the elusive 'right person' – a quest as mysterious and unpredictable as finding matching socks in the laundry. Keep looking, dear friend, for in the vast sea of potentials, there may just be a diamond in the rough…or at least someone who can tolerate your questionable taste in movies."

advice, date, dating, dating advice, expectation, humor, irony, just, love, person, relationship, right

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

30 minutes ago

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Breaking via X:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Breaking via Telegram:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Live now on Pinterest:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Just landed via Threads:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Making waves on Slack:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Breaking via Discord:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

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