Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

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I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

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The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

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If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

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It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

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Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

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Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

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If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

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A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

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No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

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Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.