Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.
  • My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.
  • Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?
  • I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.
  • Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.
  • The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?