I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.