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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,616

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Making waves on Facebook:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Making waves on Reddit:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Going viral on Threads:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Witty quote about faking sick calls, humorously suggesting it's now a music release.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the world of excuses just got a catchy soundtrack! 🤒🎵 Who knew faking it could become a Top 10 hit? Don't miss out on the next single, "Sneezing in Harmony", coming soon! 🎶 #iTunesExclusive

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

90 shares on Threads this month:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My brain has too many tabs open.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,609

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Making waves on Instagram:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Just shared via Facebook:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Trending via TikTok:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Going viral on Telegram:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Trending via TikTok:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

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