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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ป has shared:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats havenโ€™t pushed everything off it yet. You canโ€™t.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, itโ€™s called playing outside.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know Iโ€™m on their side.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has viewed:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

5 hours ago

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Telegram:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say โ€œI donโ€™t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat youโ€ that usually shuts them up.

Breaking via Discord:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Live now on Snapchat:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said โ€œhelloโ€ like a goddam daredevil.

Going viral on Threads:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Making waves on Slack:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Making waves on Twitch:

Before I die, Iโ€™m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say โ€œthanks for comingโ€ and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Making waves on Slack:

This entire month couldโ€™ve been an email.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Spreading quickly via X:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Whoever said 'love at first sight' clearly never tried 'marriage at first date'! ๐Ÿ‘ฐ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ’• Just make sure your date is ready to say 'I do' to your fashion statement!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

5 hours ago

Users Online

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

Iโ€™m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

1994: I canโ€™t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on X:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Going viral on Messenger:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Making waves on X:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Breaking via Reddit:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

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