39 funny wedding quotes - Wordgag

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

May 27, 2026

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

May 27, 2026

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

May 26, 2026

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

May 26, 2026

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

May 25, 2026

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

May 25, 2026

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

May 25, 2026

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

May 25, 2026

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

May 25, 2026May 25, 2026

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

May 25, 2026

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

May 25, 2026

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

May 24, 2026

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

May 24, 2026

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

May 24, 2026

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

May 24, 2026

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

May 24, 2026

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

May 23, 2026

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

May 23, 2026

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

May 23, 2026

Weddings should have a worst man.

May 23, 2026

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

May 22, 2026

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

May 22, 2026

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

May 22, 2026

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

May 22, 2026

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

May 22, 2026

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

May 22, 2026

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

May 22, 2026

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

May 22, 2026

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

May 22, 2026

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

May 21, 2026

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

May 21, 2026

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

May 21, 2026

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

May 21, 2026

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

May 21, 2026

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

May 20, 2026

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

May 20, 2026

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

May 20, 2026

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Mar 31, 2026

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Mar 30, 2026