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"Brace yourselves, the boss is back! 🙈🔥 Let the chaos ensue… Please send good vibes and copious amounts of coffee ☕️ as we navigate this treacherous territory of emails and meetings 😅 #PrayForMySanity"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

1 month ago
calling, dating, humor, love, rejection, relationship, sarcasm, situation, situationship, time, unrequited, unrequited love, want, whole
Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

1 month ago
able, app, desire, feeling, heart, humor, inner, inner feeling, music, music app, Shazam, should, yearning
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

1 month ago
animal, call, humor, joke, mating, noise, stomach, whale
My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

1 month ago
collectibles, divorce, friends, humor, i, leave, over, relationship, star, Star Wars, strong, threat, wars, wife
Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

5 months ago
9, hour, hours, humor, invent, invention, late, late night, midnight, night, please, someone, time, wish
Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

3 months ago
God, gratitude, humor, i, joint, joints, law, marijuana, medical, medical marijuana, need, pain, pain relief, relief, state, state law, thanks

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

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I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

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Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

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It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

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Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Seen just now on Slack:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Trending via Facebook:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Making waves on Pinterest:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Shared recently on Messenger:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

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After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

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After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

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