Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.