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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Being strange is exhausting.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1049 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,211

Funny Quotes Topics

14,123

Funny Quotes Images

11,211

6 minutes ago

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Trending via Discord:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Breaking via Snapchat:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Spotted on Facebook:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Just landed via X:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Just shared via Twitch:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

6 months ago

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🎉📋 Prepare yourselves for the most thrilling event of the weekend – an agenda reveal party! 🎉 Get ready to be amazed as I unveil my ambitious plans for the next few days – Netflix marathon, laundry mountain expedition, and the legendary battle against the ever-growing pile of dishes! 🍿🧺🍽️ Who needs fireworks when you have this level of excitement on the agenda? 😉 #AgendaRevealParty #WeekendGoals

accomplish, activity, agenda, everyone, fun, fun activity, hope, i, party, reveal, surprise, things, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share → : And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.
6 months ago
Share → : I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.
1 month ago
Share → : If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.
6 months ago
Share → : Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!
6 months ago
Share → : Human hibernation should be a thing.
2 months ago
Share → : Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.
6 months ago
Share → : Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.
6 months ago
Share → : The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1049 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,211

Funny Quotes Topics

14,123

Funny Quotes Images

11,211

6 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Spotted on Reddit:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Just landed via Instagram:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Live now on Facebook:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Going viral on Pinterest:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Just landed via Threads:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Spotted on WeChat:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Live now on YouTube:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

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