And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

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Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

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Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

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Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

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Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

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Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

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I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

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Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

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I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

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People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

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My motivation and me: It’s complicated.