Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Are you a star? Because I need my personal space to orbit around, about 93 million miles of it to be exact. Thanks for shining bright, but let's keep a safe distance for the sake of our cosmic harmony."

distance, humor, joke, me, mile, need, relationship, stay, sun

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

0

2 months ago

comparison, errors, haystack, humor, life, longer, modern, modern life, needle, people, search, spreadsheet, technology, work
Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

0

2 months ago

boundary, change, changes, growth, hear, humor, life, making, me, personal, personal growth, relationship
I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

0

2 months ago

boss, humor, i, me, person, productivity, self, should, transformation, work, working, workplace
The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

0

6 months ago

humor, just, me, midnight, money, night, night owl, online, online shopping, owl, real, shopping, shopping spree, spending, spree
I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beauty, caterpillar, eat, humor, i, laziness, self-care, sleep, transformation, wake, want
After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

0

2 months ago

6, actually, after, big, deal, decision, hours, humor, i, indecision, overthinking, perspective, procrastination, relief, stress

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on YouTube this month:

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

86 shares on Discord this month:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Going bananas on Threads:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Spotted on Reddit:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Making waves on Messenger:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Trending via Pinterest:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨