At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

80 shares on Twitch this month:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

33 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?