Trendy Funny Quotes

  • You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.
  • Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.
  • Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.
  • I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.
  • HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.
  • I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.