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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,249

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

Spotted on Threads:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Just landed via YouTube:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Going viral on Twitch:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Making waves on X:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

2 months ago

0

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine being a cat and having your humans obsess over your bathroom habits like it's the latest reality TV show 🙀💩 Talk about living under surveillance 24/7! Maybe cats have secret meetings plotting how to prank us in retaliation for all the poop monitoring 😹 #CatConspiracy"

animal, animal behavior, behavior, cat, cats, funny observation, harvesting, humor, observation, pets, poop, think, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The world started without permission again.

0

2 weeks ago

again, event, humor, permission, sarcasm, started, unexpected, unexpected event, world
Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

0

2 months ago

false, false information, giving, humor, i, information, joke, know, leak, prank, sarcasm, secrecy
I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

0

2 months ago

behavior, cat, cats, everything, humor, i, love, misunderstanding, shit, slap, understand
He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

0

2 months ago

checking, forgetfulness, forgot, holiday, humor, leaving, list, making, milk, shopping, still, store, twice
Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, gangster, humor, need, pee, reality, situation, urgency
The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

0

2 months ago

art, breakfast, brush, canvas, creativity, food, food art, jam, knife, paint, toast

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

16 shares on Slack this month:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

11 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,582

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Spotted on Twitch:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Just landed via TikTok:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Going viral on Snapchat:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Just landed via Instagram:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Going viral on Threads:

I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

Just shared via TikTok:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Freshly posted on X:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Breaking via Instagram:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

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