Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.
  • No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.
  • “What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.
  • I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.
  • I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.