Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

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I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

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My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

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Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

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I like my bed more than I like most people.

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Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

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Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

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To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

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Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

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I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

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So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.