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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has copied:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has shared:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has copied:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,001

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via TikTok:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Just landed via Slack:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is β€œso yeah…”

Breaking via X:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Going bananas on TikTok:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.
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Commentary:
🀣 "When the whining orchestra begins its performance, the only logical response is to dial up Mom for an apology… and maybe a crash course on dealing with miniature divas and divos! πŸ“žπŸ‘Ά #ParentingPerks"

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,732

Funny Quotes of the Month πŸš€

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has copied:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

β€œI’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has viewed:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has shared:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has bookmarked:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has shared:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Discord:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Making waves on Threads:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

Broadcasted on X:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Making waves on Discord:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

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