Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.