Home » Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Random funny quotes to crack you up. 😎✌️

Random funny quotes 👇

4 months ago
Share →: I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Commentary:
"Maybe take up bird watching – the only expense there is binoculars, and even those you can probably find a good deal on with a quick search online. Plus, birds won't judge you for having a budget!"
5 months ago
Share →: My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Commentary:
"Looks like your escape key is on strike, refusing to give you the much-needed break! 🤖⌨️ Keep hammering away and maybe your keyboard will finally let you escape to the weekend! 🏃‍♂️💼"
5 months ago
Share →: Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Commentary:
"Karma is out there keeping score, reminding us that even seagulls have their day in the sun ☀️🕊️ Just imagine the look on that seagull's face when it collects its karmic dues! 😂 #KarmaIsReal #SeagullRevenge"
5 months ago
Share →: Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Commentary:
"Remember folks, karma has a fantastic memory and she always collects her debts! 😏💸 Treat others kindly, unless you enjoy being on the receiving end of her payback plan! 🔮😜"
5 months ago
Share →: If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Commentary:
"If I were a billionaire, forget Mars, I'd have everyone else waving goodbye from my rocket-built private island in outer space! 🚀🏝️ #SpaceAintBigEnoughForUsAll"
5 months ago
Share →: Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Commentary:
Looks like it's time to plug in and recharge! ⚡😴 Don't let your body run on low power mode for too long, or you might start glitching out! 😂🔌 #NeedMoreSleep
5 months ago
Share →: Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Commentary:
"Sleeping is my favorite addiction, my cozy bed is like the shadiest dealer in town, and my alarm clock? Well, it's the biggest snitch of them all! 🛌💤🚨 #SleepingBeautyTurnedSleepingCriminal"
5 months ago
Share →: I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Commentary:
🍷🐱 "I admire this ambitious cat who is determined to become a connoisseur of fine wines! It's purr-fectly logical – let her sniff, swirl, and sip her way to a sommelier career! Who knows, maybe one day she'll be the one bringing home the bacon… or should I say bringing home the chardon-meow! 😸🍷"
5 months ago
Share →: To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Commentary:
Oh-oh, watch out! 🔥😂 Looks like someone's ready to fight for their spot in line! 💪🏼👀 Queue jumpers, beware – this person means business! 🚶🏻‍♂️💨 #QueueEtiquette #ThiefInTheNight
5 months ago
Share →: Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Commentary:
"Watching athletes eat quark instead of cheesecake is a tragedy of epic proportions! 🏋️‍♂️🍰 Don't they know the true power of a delicious dessert? #TeamCheesecake"