Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you. Posted on3 months ago2 months ago
Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up. Posted onMay 15, 2024May 15, 2024
When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke. Posted on5 months ago5 months ago
Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving? Posted on3 months ago3 months ago
I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened. Posted on3 months ago2 months ago
Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.” Posted on3 months ago3 months ago
Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like. Posted on4 months ago2 months ago
People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier. Posted on5 months ago5 months ago
I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti. Posted onSep 23, 2023Sep 23, 2023
A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set. Posted on4 months ago2 months ago
Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them. Posted onSep 22, 2023Sep 29, 2023
Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF? Posted on5 months ago5 months ago
I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t. Posted onSep 29, 2023Sep 29, 2023
If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla. Posted on5 months ago5 months ago
My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home. Posted onSep 22, 2023May 7, 2024