Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Self-care is smoking a solo blunt with music.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,473

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Going viral on Messenger:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Spotted on Telegram:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Spotted on Threads:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Shared recently on Slack:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Trending via Pinterest:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

11 Funny absence quotes

Funny absence quotes bring a hilarious twist to those moments when someone’s not around 🙈 Whether it’s a cheeky excuse or a witty take on missing out, these sayings add humor to the empty chair at work or school 🪑😂 Ready to laugh at the art of being MIA? Let’s dive into some playful gems that celebrate absence with a smile! 😄✨

New funny absence quotes 👇

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

5 hours ago

absence, apartment, continuity, cup, gesture, humor, leaving, return, routine, single, sink, upon, weeks
My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

2 days ago

absence, absent, dad, family, humor, identity, presence, present, relationship, secret, thing, third
“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

2 days ago

absence, humor, joke, leave, office, others, prepare, PTO, workplace
Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

3 days ago

absence, apparently, boss, coming, excuse, honesty, humor, i, just, reason, today, unemployment, want, why, work, workplace
You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

4 days ago

absence, essential, essential items, everyday, everyday life, good, humor, items, life, necessity, paper, realization, toilet, toilet paper
Christmas is coming and you’re not.

5 days ago

absence, anticipation, Christmas, coming, holiday, humor
The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

2 weeks ago

absence, cousin, family, gatherings, humor, i, personality, play, role, show
There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

2 weeks ago

absence, humor, irony, loneliness, love, me, relationship, sex
Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

2 weeks ago

absence, humor, intelligence, just, missing, people, screw, toolbox, whole
The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

2 weeks ago

absence, comfort, comfortable, habit, loneliness, longer, people, relationship, something, too

For even more funny absence quotes, hit next 👇

All funny absence quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

29 shares on X this month:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,555

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Live now on Facebook:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Shared recently on Slack:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Going viral on WeChat:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Just shared via Reddit:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Just landed via YouTube:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Shared recently on Threads:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴