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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2315 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,477

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,477

37 minutes ago

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Going viral on Messenger:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Just landed via Threads:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Just landed via Messenger:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Live now on Slack:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Freshly posted on Slack:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Just landed via Facebook:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Reported on Reddit:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Home » Funny Absence Quotes

Funny absence quotes

Funny absence quotes bring a hilarious twist to those moments when someone’s not around 🙈 Whether it’s a cheeky excuse or a witty take on missing out, these sayings add humor to the empty chair at work or school 🪑😂 Ready to laugh at the art of being MIA? Let’s dive into some playful gems that celebrate absence with a smile! 😄✨

New funny absence quotes 👇

5 days ago
Share →: One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Commentary:
Looks like my sanity joined a rock band and is on tour 🚬🎸🤪
2 weeks ago
Share →: My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the DLC character of parenting 🤔🕵️‍♂️✨
3 weeks ago
Share →: “PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Commentary:
Looks like it's time to let the others handle the chaos while I initiate Operation Vanish! 🚀😎 #PreparedToRelax
2 months ago
Share →: Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Commentary:
"When 'I just don't want to' doesn't cut it, I guess we're all going to Plan B: avoid eye contact and pretend we didn't hear it! 🙈🤷‍♂️😂"
4 months ago
Share →: You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Commentary:
"Ah, the wise words of someone who truly understands the value of the little things in life! Who knew that the humble toilet paper could teach us such profound lessons in gratitude and appreciation? Remember, folks, never underestimate the power of a well-stocked bathroom!"
6 months ago
Share →: Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Commentary:
Looks like Santa might need to make a detour to deliver a sense of humor this year! 🎅🏼🙊 But hey, who needs Christmas when you've got puns like this all year round, am I right? 🎄😂
6 months ago
Share →: The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Commentary:
"When it comes to family gatherings, I'm like the elusive cousin who's practically a myth now 🤷‍♂️ Maybe my invitation got lost in the mail? Or perhaps I just bring too much excitement to the party that they can't handle? Who knows! 🎉💁‍♂️ #LifeOfTheMissingRelative"
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal triangle of relationships: sex, love, and… wait, where's my pizza? 🍕🤷‍♂️ #SingleAndReadyForCarbs"
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone wasn't just a few fries short of a happy meal… they missed out on the entire drive-thru experience! 🛠️🍔😂"

For even more funny absence quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny absence quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2315 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,477

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,477

37 minutes ago

3,455

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Just landed via Slack:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Seen just now on Threads:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Just landed via X:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Just shared via TikTok:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

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