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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,486

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Seen just now on X:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Breaking via YouTube:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Trending via Messenger:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Just shared via Twitch:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Going viral on X:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

71 Funny appearance quotes

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Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

3 months ago

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20 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

49 shares on Slack this month:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

81 shares on Slack this month:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

18 shares on Slack this month:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

36 shares on Threads this month:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Just landed via Reddit:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Just landed via Threads:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Just shared via YouTube:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Going bananas on WeChat:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Just landed via Threads:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

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71 Funny appearance quotes

More funny appearance quotes 👇

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

All funny appearance quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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