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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Just landed via TikTok:

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

Spotted on TikTok:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Just shared via Reddit:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Breaking via Instagram:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Just landed via Slack:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Making waves on Messenger:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Funny cobblestone quotes

New funny cobblestone quotes 👇

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

4 weeks ago

activity, cobblestone, date, devil, dimly-lit, fun, fun activity, only, street, thing, walk, want, women

All funny cobblestone quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on WeChat this month:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just wanna buy $16 worth of a meme coin and sell it for $2.6M two weeks later.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

90 shares on Slack this month:

The real pandemic was when everyone was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Spotted on Reddit:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Pizza should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Seen just now on Slack:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Just landed via Messenger:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Spotted on YouTube:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Just shared via Discord:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny cobblestone quotes

New funny cobblestone quotes 👇

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

All funny cobblestone quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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