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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Going viral on YouTube:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Just shared via Threads:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Just landed via Instagram:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Making waves on Facebook:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Making waves on Slack:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Being social sucks all my energy.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,546

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Trending via WeChat:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Trending via Twitch:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

Going viral on Twitch:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Just landed via Slack:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Spotted on YouTube:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Making waves on Discord:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Live now on WeChat:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Just landed via Pinterest:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

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