610 funny know quotes - Page 9 - Wordgag

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Mar 27, 2026

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Mar 27, 2026

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Mar 27, 2026

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Mar 27, 2026

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Mar 27, 2026

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Mar 27, 2026

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

Mar 27, 2026

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Mar 27, 2026

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Mar 27, 2026

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Mar 26, 2026

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Mar 26, 2026

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Mar 26, 2026

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Mar 26, 2026

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Mar 26, 2026

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Mar 26, 2026

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Mar 26, 2026

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Mar 26, 2026

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Mar 26, 2026

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Mar 26, 2026

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Mar 26, 2026

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Mar 26, 2026

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

Mar 26, 2026

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Mar 26, 2026

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Mar 26, 2026

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Mar 26, 2026

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Mar 26, 2026

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Mar 26, 2026

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Mar 26, 2026

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Mar 26, 2026

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Mar 26, 2026

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Mar 26, 2026

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Mar 26, 2026

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Mar 26, 2026

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Mar 26, 2026

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Mar 26, 2026

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Mar 26, 2026

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Mar 26, 2026

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Mar 26, 2026

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Mar 26, 2026