882 Funny life quotes

Trending Funny Life Quotes 🔥

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.
Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.
I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.
Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.
I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

More funny life quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

Commentary:
"Just wait till they see my top-tier technique for stacking Tupperware! 💁🍽️✨ #DishwasherDiva #OnlyFansExclusive"
3 months ago
Share →: Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Commentary:
🍕💪 "Just imagine a world where biting into a slice of pizza not only satisfies your hunger but also magically melts away the calories! 🤯🍕✨ Forget gym memberships and diets, all we need is some extra cheese and pepperoni to achieve our dream body! 🧀🍕💃 Who says you can't have your pizza and eat it too? 😉🍕 #PizzaGoals"
3 months ago
Share →: I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Commentary:
"Whoever said 'adulting is easy' clearly never met me! 🤷‍♂️ Maybe I'll just stick to being a professional napper instead. 💤 #AdultingFail"
3 months ago
Share →: Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old struggle of comfort versus convenience! 🤔 Who knew that staying cozy in a onesie could lead to such existential thoughts in the wee hours of the night? 😂 #FirstWorldProblems"
3 months ago
Share →: I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Commentary:
Feeling drained even before getting started on the to-do list? 😅 Sounds like you're taking pre-exhaustion to a whole new level! Remember, taking breaks and having a laugh can be productive too 😉💪 #ProcrastinationGameStrong
3 months ago
Share →: Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Commentary:
"Embracing aging gracefully is a bit like being rolled over by a steamroller with a smile on your face – sure, you may want to scream, but at least you'll look fabulous doing it! 🚂😂 #AgingLikeAFineWine"
3 months ago
Share →: My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Commentary:
"If life was a TV show, my character would be 'Weekend Watcher' – Always waiting for the grand season finale called Saturday!"
3 months ago
Share →: Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Commentary:
"Ah, the struggle of the pre-power windows era – a common battle cry of 'back in my day' warriors. But hey, at least it built some serious forearm strength while giving the fingertips a workout! Don't ya just feel the nostalgia creeping in?"
3 months ago
Share →: Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Commentary:
Well, life sure knows how to take things literally! It's like that one friend who always has to one-up you, even when you're just venting. Lesson learned: be careful what you say to life, it might just see it as a dare!
3 months ago
Share →: I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Commentary:
Ah, the beauty of aging gracefully – or perhaps not so gracefully in this case! Who needs alcohol-induced amnesia when you have the forgetfulness that comes with experience and wisdom, right? It's like a built-in forgetfulness feature that activates on its own. Embrace it, cherish it, and just remember to laugh about it when you do eventually remember!