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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has viewed:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has copied:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has copied:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has downloaded:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has copied:

It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has shared:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,450

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Threads:

One thing that could really β€œlevel-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Breaking via Messenger:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Just landed via WeChat:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Trending via Reddit:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Just landed via Messenger:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Going viral on Twitch:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Just landed via X:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Making waves on TikTok:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

96 shares on Threads this month:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

77 shares on X this month:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

37 shares on Threads this month:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, β€œYour guess is as good as mine.”

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has copied:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on YouTube:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Making waves on Slack:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Making waves on Slack:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Trending via X:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, β€œYour guess is as good as mine.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Spotted on Slack:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Seen just now on X:

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

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