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97 Funny old quotes

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

3 months ago

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

3 months ago

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

3 months ago

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

3 months ago

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

3 months ago

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

3 months ago

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

3 months ago

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

3 months ago

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

3 months ago

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

3 months ago

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

3 months ago

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

3 months ago

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

3 months ago

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

3 months ago

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

3 months ago

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

3 months ago

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

3 months ago

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

3 months ago

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

3 months ago

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

3 months ago