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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,307

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Shared recently on Threads:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Just shared via Messenger:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Just shared via Threads:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Broadcasted on Discord:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Trending via Messenger:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My life is a movie, and it has a 47% on Rotten Tomatoes.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Reddit this month:

I run a parody bank account.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

71 shares on Slack this month:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

57 shares on YouTube this month:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,511

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Freshly posted on X:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Seen just now on Messenger:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

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