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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,616

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Live now on Facebook:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Spotted on Messenger:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Just shared via Facebook:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Live now on Facebook:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Just landed via Discord:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Live now on Slack:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Funny startled quotes

New funny startled quotes 👇

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

0

2 months ago

every, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, life, own, popping, relatable, shit, single, someone, startled, talk, time, toast, watching

Someone from 🇰🇿 has recently shared this quote.

32 shares on X this month.

All funny startled quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

38 shares on Threads this month:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Just shared via TikTok:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Seen just now on X:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Making waves on Slack:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Just shared via YouTube:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Breaking via Twitch:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny startled quotes

New funny startled quotes 👇

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

All funny startled quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨