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5 months ago
Share →: I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

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"Who knew keeping your virginity could be such a winning streak? Looks like this person is the undefeated champion of abstinence!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

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On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

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It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

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I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

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Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

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They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

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You lose some, you lose some more.

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If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

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I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

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You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

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Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

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Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

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I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

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Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

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Funny virginity quotes

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Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

I am half agony, half hope.

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I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

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Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

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