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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,761

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Just shared via WeChat:

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Going viral on Slack:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Spotted on Slack:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Trending via Instagram:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Just shared via WeChat:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I love unplanned fun.

39 Funny wedding quotes

Funny wedding quotes bring a playful twist to the celebration of love and marriage! 💍😂 From witty remarks about wedding planning to humorous takes on the ups and downs of tying the knot, these quotes capture the joy and laughter of saying “I do.” Enjoy a laugh and celebrate the fun side of weddings! 😄🎉

New funny wedding quotes 👇

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

2 weeks ago

camera, camera zoom, commentary, contact, episode, eye, eye contact, humor, i, marriage, married, office, side, style, The Office, video, video style, want, wedding, wedding video, Zoom
Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

2 weeks ago

breakup, divorce, free, humor, joke, level, library, little, putting, relationship, scrapbook, unprecedented, wedding
Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

2 weeks ago

50, divorce, end, fact, humor, i, joke, marriage, married, only, relationship, satire, wedding, why
Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

2 weeks ago

bezos, contrast, cup, fly, humor, i, jeff, Jeff Bezos, jet, jets, lid, lids, luxury, private, private jet, recycling, Venice, wedding, yoghurt, yoghurt lid
Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

2 weeks ago

date, groom, humor, humor quote, invitation, joke, me, social, wedding
That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

2 weeks ago

all eyes, awkward, awkward moment, bride, eyes, family, groom, humor, moment, son, wedding
The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

2 weeks ago

activity, dance, fun, fun activity, humor, marriage, reason, relationship, trend, wedding
Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

2 weeks ago

bar, everyone, expectation, humor, irony, line, love, open, open bar, patient, relationship, wedding
A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

2 weeks ago

activity, bride, fun, fun activity, groom, guest, humor, interaction, joke, prank, social, social interaction, wedding, whisper
Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

2 weeks ago

afford, commitment, contact, eye, eye contact, humor, i, making, me, money, panic, relationship, right, stop, wedding

For even more funny wedding quotes, hit next 👇

All funny wedding quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Instagram this month:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

75 shares on Twitch this month:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

47 shares on X this month:

Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

96 shares on Threads this month:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Going viral on Messenger:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Going viral on Telegram:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Just shared via Telegram:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

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