Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Listen to the birds, not the news.
  • Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.
  • Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.
  • When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.
  • Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.
  • An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.