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"Ah, the joys of aging – waking up feeling like you've been practicing your bat pose all night 🦇😂 Who knew getting older would come with free neck pain as a bonus gift! Just part of the charming package deal, folks! 🎁 #AgingGracefully"

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The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

1 month ago
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You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

1 month ago
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Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

5 months ago
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You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

1 month ago
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“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

3 weeks ago
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Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

1 month ago
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

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I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Going viral on WeChat:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Just landed via Discord:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Trending via Snapchat:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Trending via Twitch:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Breaking via Telegram:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

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Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

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Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

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I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

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The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

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Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

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