Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

99 shares on Slack this month:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.