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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

ROMO (relief of missing out)

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

Live now on Telegram:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Going viral on Messenger:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Just shared via TikTok:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Broadcasted on X:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Grandma's got some joint issues, but hey, tight rolling might just be the secret remedy she needs! 🍁💪😄 #RollWithIt"

advice, age, complaint, getting, grandma, humor, joints, just, little, roll, rolling, tight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

0

2 months ago

activity, attention, dress, exercise, fun, fun activity, humor, i, jog, need, self-expression, unexpected, unique, web, wedding, wedding dress
It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, interaction, irony, miscommunication, pleasure, sarcasm, social, social interaction, wit
Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

0

2 months ago

avoidance, avoiding, funny observation, hobby, human, human interaction, i, interaction, introversion, life, observation, real, social, social life, sometimes, worry
I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

0

2 months ago

adult, am, cartoons, childhood, discussion, full, hole, humor, i, listen, me, patrol, paw, PAW Patrol, plot, plot hole
Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

0

2 months ago

believe, diamond, Earth, hardest, hardest substance, head, humor, husband, people, reality, relationship, stubborn, substance
Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

0

1 month ago

another, bed, behavior, camera, funny behavior, illness, just, level, mental, mental illness, pretend, setting, setup, woke, woke up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Reddit this month:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

23 shares on Slack this month:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

95 shares on Discord this month:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

73 shares on Slack this month:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

30 shares on Slack this month:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

38 shares on X this month:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Making waves on X:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Breaking via TikTok:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Making waves on Reddit:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Just landed via Threads:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Going viral on Telegram:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Trending via WeChat:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨