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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

824 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,986

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,986

56 minutes ago

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Reported on Reddit:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Spotted on Instagram:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Making waves on Slack:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Trending via Pinterest:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

Making waves on Reddit:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Going viral on Twitch:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Reported on Messenger:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Just shared via X:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

6 months ago

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

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Commentary:
🤔🌟 How about we skip the whole election hoopla and simply vow to behave ourselves? 🇺🇸 Who needs a president when we've got our impeccable behavior to lead the way? 😜👏 Let's all strive for that "Student of the Month" vibe in this national experiment! #GoodCitizenshipGoals

another, election, good, hear, humor, idea, just, me, president, promise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

824 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,986

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,986

56 minutes ago

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Just landed via Discord:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Shared recently on Slack:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Just shared via YouTube:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Just shared via Pinterest:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Spotted on Messenger:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Breaking via Instagram:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

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