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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Spotted on Discord:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Going viral on Twitch:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Spotted on Threads:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Just shared via Snapchat:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Just shared via Telegram:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Just landed via WeChat:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Just shared via Discord:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Seen just now on Slack:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

6 months ago

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

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Commentary:
🤔🌟 How about we skip the whole election hoopla and simply vow to behave ourselves? 🇺🇸 Who needs a president when we've got our impeccable behavior to lead the way? 😜👏 Let's all strive for that "Student of the Month" vibe in this national experiment! #GoodCitizenshipGoals

another, election, good, hear, humor, idea, just, me, president, promise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Just landed via TikTok:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Going viral on Discord:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Going viral on Facebook:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Going viral on Twitch:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Going viral on Slack:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Trending via Pinterest:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

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