I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

35 shares on Instagram this month:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

42 shares on Threads this month:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

62 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

97 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.