Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.
  • Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
  • The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.
  • No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.
  • Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.
  • Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.