Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Don't worry about setting the table for me, I come pre-canceled! 🙅‍♂️🚫 Let's just cut to the chase and plan a rain check instead! ☔😄"

am, cancel, commitment, host, humor, i, invite, me, party, social, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

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2 months ago

back, benjamin, Benjamin Franklin, franklin, history, humor, inform, invention, stove, technology, time, time travel, travel, wifi
Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

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2 months ago

am, boss, communication, excited, humor, i, know, let, texting, tomorrow, work, workplace
Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

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2 months ago

animal, encouragement, every, horse, horses, humor, i, motivation, perseverance, quit, remember, stop, time
Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

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2 months ago

bouquet, buy, chocolate, date, flowers, gift, humor, KitKats, me, preference, relationship
Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

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5 days ago

admit, communication, conversation, Funny, hr, humor, joke, me, okay, workplace
Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

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2 months ago

cleanliness, fingerprints, humor, mirror, reflection, self-awareness, wall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Telegram this month:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

16 shares on Slack this month:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Going viral on Slack:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Spotted on Slack:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Just shared via TikTok:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Making waves on Messenger:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Breaking via Pinterest:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Just shared via WeChat:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Going viral on Discord:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Just landed via Reddit:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨