Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Don't worry about setting the table for me, I come pre-canceled! 🙅‍♂️🚫 Let's just cut to the chase and plan a rain check instead! ☔😄"

am, cancel, commitment, host, humor, i, invite, me, party, social, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

0

5 months ago

along, American, American dream, debt, dream, economy, finance, humor, irony, lifestyle, maybe, money, real
Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

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2 months ago

aging, beauty, Botox, braces, forget, humor, look younger, self-improvement, want, younger
It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

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2 months ago

even, fact, family, growth, humor, important, lessons, life, life lessons, mistakes, parenting, parents, remember, self-awareness, us
Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

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2 weeks ago

before, belief, believe, better, cristiano, Cristiano Ronaldo, debate, football, footballer, grown, grown man, humor, kid, kids, laugh, lionel, Lionel Messi, man, men, messi, remember, ronaldo, Santa, sports, sports debate
If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

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2 months ago

doing, ever, humor, irony, just, last, lesson, life, life lesson, lol, mistakes, nice, opposite, parenting, problem, solve, think, time, try, universe, work
Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

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2 months ago

again, buy, clothing, fashion, favorite, humor, i, industry, irony, item, me, repetition, same, shopping

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Twitch this month:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

34 shares on Threads this month:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

76 shares on X this month:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Freshly posted on X:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

Live now on TikTok:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Going viral on X:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Going bananas on Threads:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Just landed via TikTok:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Making waves on Facebook:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨